How is it that I know a ton about what makes me tick, what is best for me, and yet, I still don’t do it? Why have I done this stupid dance of eating well, exercising, feeling fantastic and then slacking off and ending up feeling gross again? I’m happy for others who have “gotten it” and who keep moving forward even after I’ve fallen off the wagon, but I need to turn some of that inspiration and enthusiasm inward so I can keep going for the long haul.

I’m sure my Vitamix had given me up for dead. I’ve allowed more produce to wither and croak in my kitchen over the last few months than I care to admit. I had to dig into the bowels of my freezer to find the fantastic spinach & handful of mango cubes that made this smoothie. I like this stuff. I feel great when I’m eating/drinking the right stuff, so why haven’t I been?

I put together a new playlist for my iPhone that I could run through the C25k app I have. I was embarrassed to see that the last time I’d used that app was in September of last year. What in the heck?! Is that honestly the last time I took myself into the neighborhood to pound the pavement?

Who is this person and what did she do with the lady who knows better? There have to be people who work as many hours as I do, run their kids all over town like I do, and still find time to be organized and take the time to make their food & do their exercising. I KNOW there are as I read their blogs, see them online & likely even know some in real life. So, why am I sucking at life? And then to go so far as to purchase the food and then not make it? Dumb. To just fly by the seat of my pants day after day letting work run my life–yes, those individuals need me, but if I drop over dead because I don’t take care of myself, that helps no one. And, what about my girls? Need to be setting a better example for them and taking care of myself so I’m here to bother them well into my 90’s.

I have an event on my calendar near the end of summer. I want to be able to wear a nice dress, cute shoes, have a nice haircut and my skin looking fantastic. If I could go in 30 pounds lighter, that would be a bonus. And, if I can make these changes for longer than 30 days, perhaps they will finally stick with me. I’m stubborn. I know that. I just wish I could develop a stubbornness when it comes to keeping my appointed exercise time or when it comes to making food that is good for me. I’m thinking with more days between me and my “goal” date, the better. If I have to stick with things longer, perhaps they will stick with me longer. I know it isn’t a matter of hoping, but a matter of doing.

So, here we go. Again. For the umpteenth time. I will take solace in the fact that I have not given up for good. I put nearly three miles on my shoes today, so that’s a plus.